i dont know where i am, i dont know where ive been but i know where i want to go.
Phil and I decided last night that our New Years resolutions will to be to let go, of everything, worries, fears, past traumas and drama, just let it all go.
But he quickly corrected himself.
"I wanna hold on to you though. Im so glad we met"
"I cant wait to touch you again, being physical is so comfortable with you as well"
"You are extremely beautiful too, just wanted to make that clear, so so smooth and sexy, I like the way you move"
"You are alike in youre unique sensuality, i love it. Your lips are unlike any ive felt and so is your skin, and how you cuddle me so closely, so comforting"
And then, of course, to reaffirm everything we talked about, we sent eachother the almost exact thing at the exact same time, twice.
I connect with him on a level that Ive never connected with anyone.
He is just so beautiful and full of wonder and life and Im in love with his smile.
I want him to come home already, I want to feel his arms around me and his lips and I just want that comfort of being with him.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, though, and I do believe its true.
Im just really excited for the future.
I told him how hes had a bigger impact on me in the short amount of time ive known him than anyone ever has in my entire life, and he told me that he feels the same, that our "egos are glammed up with all the same matter"
We just understand eachother.
From the day that we met, we were able to finish each others sentences, and understand what each other was saying without even saying it.
Our understanding goes so far beyond words that its hard for us to communicate using words, theyre obsolete, and cant fully express what we try and get across to eachother.
But we always understand, and its wonderful.
My life is taking shape and turning into something good.
This state was possibly the best thing I could have ever done for myself, even though I hate it at times, and even though I still dont know a lot of people, Im growing into myself and I love it.
And honestly, Phil is possibly the best thing to ever happen to me.
No one has ever positively impacted me like he has, Im not even sure if many people have actually positively impacted me at all.
I also decided that Im going to either join the peace corps, or some other government program where I can go somewhere overseas and do some good.
Ideally, I would do that next year, but I cant just put off school like that, so I think that when Im finished with undergrad, Im going to take two or three years off and spend like each six months to a year in a different place doing something different.
I want to spend at least six months in Africa, six months some where in the middle east, and a year in India, but in the peace corps you dont get to pick where you want to go, so that makes me hesitant.
I just need to do something good, i need to make a difference in someones life.
Im at a really good place in my life right now.
Im starting to see myself for the person that I am, and despite my blatant body image issues, Im starting to think that I really am beautiful (still could be thinner, but im working on it), inside and out.
I feel good about myself, and the person that I am.
I think I have a lot to offer the world, I just need to get started.
Who am I, and what have I done with Taylor?
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