Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in he_haslupus' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, January 8th, 2009
12:18 pm	i really hate liars.and i came to realize everyone is. i'm deleting this shit. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 5th, 2009
6:41 am	hahah some things in life are just waaaay too funny (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 4th, 2009
5:26 pm	I promised i wouldn't write about it. But why should i hold back writing what i want when he never cared. Ugh. He started off apologizing for everything. He told me that it's sad to think that he'll never find anyone like me. No one will ever go through what he put me through and still love him to the fullest. He told me that he's been forcing himself not to think about me and the situation but it seeps through anyway. He said he's not happy and he's a total mess. He said he was just friends with her when with me, but i already got the stories so i don't believe that. Matter of fact, i really don't care about the situation anymore. It didn't hurt me the way i thought it would, but i guess cause i was expecting it. He told me he doesn't know how he could live without my unconditional love for him. I really never replied cause i didn't know what to say, and really cause i didn't care. He kept trying to tell me that he loves me and he will never lose that. Of course, you're never going to forget your first love. Cause I was his and he was mine. When he asked me I still loved him or if i fell out of love with him, but i told him i didn want to answer cause he's with someone and i'm kinda with someone. It isn't right and i'm not like that. He kept asking me if i lost love for him or have i already or am i thinking about it. Idk it was just so much. I told him to let it be. He said that maybe in the future hopefully he could be mature to be what i want and need. I believe that day will never come nor will i wait for that day. I'm living my life to the fullest and i'm happy. He ended it with telling me that he loves me more than anything else in existence and he'll never let me go. I didn't know how to think or what to feel. But I know what i must do. And i'm doing it. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 1st, 2009
11:44 pm	new years was hella fun. midnight kiss was cute(: there were a lot of things said. a lot of things cleared up. i'm so happy i love it. everyone just left my house. & we watched 88 minutes, it's a pretty straight movie. I REALLY DON'T WANT THE BREAK TO BE OVERRR. FUUUUCK SCHOOL DUDE! i need sleeeeeeep. so many energy drinks is killing me man. my eyes are open but my mind wants to sleep. slept over mats and barely got 2 hours of sleep. fucken waking up to my mom pist as fuck. but came home and everyone convinced her to be happy so we all went out to dennys :D ohgosh just turned my phone onnn. now turning it back off! goodnightttt (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
6:09 pm	my phone is dying and i can't find my almost broken charger. however, maybe this is a really good thing. i would have a real reason not to respond. marcela is coming over so she can hear me vent. i haven't really talked to anyone how i really feel. it never comes out right and i just sound retarded. it all makes sense to me in my head but i just need other opinions. i really don't want school to come. and i don't even think i'm going to finish it. i have no motivation and plus i'm missing 3 credits. hello ged? i'm in the worst mood ever. i've been for the most part happy and an emotion of lost just smacked me in the face. i hate not knowing what to do or where to go or who to talk to or who to trust. now i think i have to pick yani up. then most likely mat josh and james are going to come or we go there. i need my friends right now. i want to be happy and jumpy again. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 29th, 2008
12:38 pm	orlando was really tight. went to blizzared beach with marcela mathew josh tonia james david eda & mike. the rides were intense but sososo much fun. we're planning busch gardens sometime before the break is over. idk what i'm doing today but i'm probably going to get that call. i'm not sure if i work at coldstone any more. i was really sick last weekend and i had to call out and they just never called me back. oh well :) now my dad said he'll give me money cause since my sister is leaving pretty soon i'm going to have to take a lot of responsibility. it sucks that she's leaving to the navy. she's going to be gone for three months for boot camp then comes back for what? two weeks? then leaves for four years and comes visits once every year. at least she'll experience so much and have a new look at life. you said i broke your heart into a million pieces so then just leave me alone. stop it cause it'll just make things worse. you told me what you're doing and it's just plain fucked up. not on my part, but you know who. for the most part i'm pretty happy with myself. i'm going to start working out and get in really good shape. i'm 133 now and i knwo i can lose more but i want to get toned more than drop. my boobs grew though :( 34DD sucks. on the bright side, i don't have stretch marks. off to watch some george lopez. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 26th, 2008
10:04 pm	when i saw that i just threw up in my mouth a little. yuuuuuck. anyway the break sof ar has been wonderful. everyday its been mat josh james tonia & i mat james and marcela are sleeping over nowww. today is my moms birthday and we surprised her with a cake and balloons she was all happy :) for christmas got some sweet stuf including guitar hero world tour! spent christmas with the boys and family. our hookah nights are amazing :D sneaking out is so nice cause my window is like a door haha tonia is leaving pretty soon and im feeling is everyday that goes by. :( next weekend we are going to bush gardens. im so excited. i left my phone at mats house today which suckssss and since they are sleeping over i'm going to have to drive there in the morning to get it ughhh when you randomly send me texts like last night my body gets this funny feeling and i don't know what to do. i'm sure you miss me but i'm sure i don't, especially cause of that. now off to bother mat and james :) (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
11:39 pm	i hate sitting in my room after having such a wonderful day thinking about everything that has happened in my life only involving you. i know i will never find someone like you but i'm only 17 so i have a full life ahead of me to give someone else that chance. it kills me inside knowing how can you love someone so much and they only lie to you to make you feel content. and it kills me inside cause we promised to spend the rest of our lives with eachother no matter what. like how does the only person that makes you completely happy is just really destroying you. i always hated feeling this way, and give and take three years i've delt with it. i finally made a permanent decision to never let that happen again. even though i'd give my two legs and arms to you, there's no going back. i believe that we both gave such heartache and drama in my life that i want no more. i will no doubt alwaysalways love you and care for you. i had the best and the worst times with you. i miss you like crazy but deep down i know that us apart, that us no more will be for the better for both of us. i never felt that i don't want to be with you, and honestly this is the first time and it hurts. you were everything i wanted and more, i just wish you never did the things you did. i wish that you could just give me the chance to love you and show you how much you mean to me. i will probably never feel for anyone the way i feel for you. you'll always my first love and i'll never forget you nor would i want to. you made me so happy but behind my back was a different story. i don't know how you could hurt me the way you did. i love you so much i could neveer do the things you did. no one ever standd up to you in my eyes. you helped me through everything. we had a bond that no one could break except you or me. i've made my little mistakes but you took the big step and broke it. it hurts so much only cause i love you. i wish things would be different. i've cried and felt pain many times, but honestly this is the worst. because i never felt you gone. and because we'd always be back together. and because i never said i don't want to be with you. my life has to change. i wish i can think of you and be happy that we were madly inlove, but it just hurts so much cause i know how things ended. i never gave up on you. i stuck through the worst times with you. i went through hell and back for you. this time things changed. this time there is no more. i will always carry you in my heart. i will always love you. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2008
10:08 pm	slumber party @ mats. i've never been so happy and stress freeeeeee!! :D (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 6th, 2008
1:08 pm	happy hour was nice. didn't have to pay for ANYTHING ;) didn't have to pay for bud eitherrr ugh work is so annoying i want to leavvee. but tuesday getting a fat check can't wait! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
6:36 pm	Because you are everywhere I look and in my skin. I taste your neck and lips just from breathing in. Current Music: lydia (Comment on this)
Friday, June 20th, 2008
12:36 am	over all today was a nice day. spent the day with marcos. then went to work. now i'm home. suuuper tiired. summer school starts monday. fuuhhh thiis. but it's to advance so in the end it's all goooood. ah the fox mar  pictures came in the mail today. i have to make an appointment. senior baby(: (Comment on this)
Monday, June 9th, 2008
5:26 am	damn, read this. [Verse 1] She was on her way to becoming a college graduate Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid The type of latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire Disciplined, intellectual beauty's what I desire Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez Everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless At first I just thought, she didn't mess with broke kids The thug niggaz always talking about, how they smoke kids But the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play I'm not even interested is what her body language would say Everyone around the way, gave up trying to get in it It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it On the block, bitches was jealous, but wouldn't admit it Talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it 'Cause they regreted the long list of niggaz that they let hit it And no one ever gave them shit except McDonald's and did-dick Smoking weed with thoughts of envy, whenever they lit it She smoked intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure [Hook - Jean Grae] Don't you know that, time waits for no man Not fate, it's all planned I'm blessed just to know you I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night Can't find, a reason why God came, to you and I If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go Hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know [Verse 2] Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad That I wasn't just another nigga trying to get in it So every now and then we'd stop and talk for a minute I didn't have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin's baby shower We talked about, power to the people and such We spent more time together but it was never enough I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel I was too interested, in keeping it real Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me carino, And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks She convinced me, to stop hangin' out on the streets To stop robbin' and stealin', from people like you Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronxu museo del barrio and the Metropolitan too Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears But honey's only response, was a face full of tears She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight I tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until I left sight I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light Except I didn't burn, I turned cold after that night [Hook] [Verse 3] I went on with my life, college and my career Ended up locked up like an animal for a year Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer Then I got sent to the hole, when my exit was near At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared Just an empty cell until the state gave me parole in the summer came back, in tact and on track But the fact of the matter, is I still felt cold Even after my mother, hugged me, cryin' at home My real niggaz would catch me thinkin', out of my zone Fuckin' lots of different women, but I still felt alone Relatively well-known around the New York underground But I kept thinking of her and how we used to be down The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair Though gone physically, somehow it was still there I had to do something, because the shit was too much to bear So I went and visited the building where she used to live The world looks a lot different after you do a bid The way your life done changed While primitive minds (are) still stuck in the same game Like her cousin who was on the corner slangin' cocaine Stepped in the lobby and tapped the button next to her last name Her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up, like a mother oughta But her facial expression changed, when I asked about her daughter [Hook] [Verse 4] She told me that there was a note for me, that was left behind She had left it there waiting, for such a long time I was inclined to ask about it but she brought it up first I saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed She told me where the letter was and I started thinking the worst Reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door And sure enough there was an envelope with my name on the floor Nobody loves you more than me carino is what the letter said By the time you get to read this, I'll probably be dead But when you left in '97 a part of me went to Heaven I thank God at least I got to know what love really was But it hurt me, to see what true love really does 'Cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was It was because I loved you so much that I had to make you leave You made me doubt the way I thought, you made me want to believe And then I slipped up, and I let you get close to me It was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me This was not the way I thought my life was supposed to be Baby don't you see, I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV Hoped the end exists for me since late in 1993 I died a virgin, I wish I could've given myself to you I cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you Promise that you'll meet me in paradise inevitably No matter what, I'll keep your love forever with me What happened for the rest of the day is still a blur But I remember wishing that I was dead, instead of her She was buried on August 3rd The story ends without a sequel And now you know why Technique, don't fucking fall in love with people Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond 'Cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 29th, 2008
12:47 pm	senior? finally man. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
9:16 pm	i'm selling a t-mobile samsung slider <a href="http://tinypic.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i28.tinypic.com/s29zwg.jpg" border="0" alt="Image and video hosting by TinyPic"></a> wellll the one i'm selling is in blue(: NO SCRATCHES! BRAND NEW PHONE! BRAND NEW CHARGER! (the charger isn't the one that came with it) lemme know what's up! (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 8th, 2008
9:19 am	i love my boyfriend(: hence, he's right next to me. :D<3 (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007
5:19 pm	lolzz sillyhoe.   (Comment on this)
4:08 pm	i have a college adviser. he monitors all my grades. and calls me every week to see how i'm doing mentally. i just spoke to him and he's wonderful. he's going to get me "ready". the cool part about him was that he does karate as well,  second degree black belt. hah, everythings wonderful. so him and i went threw colleges to see which ones i'm interest in, and we  ended it with Argosy University. i'm glad i'm doing this researching now. so next year, it won't be that hard. i have a loonggg way to go, eh well not taht long. :) i'm getting sick. my entire fucking body aches. i have bruises all over my arms and back. the fuck? hopping walls suck. especially ones that are fucking seven feet tall! i feel like i'm spinning. i don't know how i'm going to break it to my mom that i don't have enough hours of night school. i'm going to nap. then find the fuck out if i'm fucked for night school. bye. Current Mood: sore
Friday, November 9th, 2007
1:08 pm	ANYONE THAT WANTS TO COME GET ME OUT OF CLASS AND TKA ME TO THE PREP RALLY PLEASE FUCKING TEXT ME 305 333 2729 my teacher won't have anyproblem with it, i just someone to come get me and say we are part of the club class of '09 PLEEASEEEE :( (Comment on this)
Friday, October 26th, 2007
6:11 pm	ookaayyyy i'm leeavviinnggggg. wish me luuckkkk, please. :) <33 have a good weekend, everyone. btw, i love marcela.<3 (Comment on this)